| Love works in weird ways... |
[Apr. 17th, 2004|09:24 pm] |
hey, fellas. wake the fuck up. she's probably standing right next to you. maybe she works in your building. maybe she serves you coffee. my bet is she's not far away, is extremely accessible, and in a lot of cases wondering why you don't fucking get it. she may even ask her friends over drinks or while watching Sex in the City why you don't fucking get it, which in the long run won't bode well for you...trust me.
now close your eyes and try to picture a girl you would be really happy to have on your arm. the girl that you'd actually be proud to walk through a major city with because you'd have that feeling you have when you think you have something that other guys want, or should want. we don't have to be talking LOVE, fellas...just someone you might TREAT WELL rather than just want to bone once or twice. got that girl pictured? her looks...her manner...some of it?
now if that girl in your head resembles or just plain IS someone from the following categories, take note:
- pop stars: guys, come on. britney spears is an airhead who probably can't cook spaghetti, much less have an intelligent conversation about anything but celebrity rumors and TEEN magazine. christina, brandy, michelle, avril...not one of them is good-looking before three hours of make-up SHE CAN'T PUT ON HERSELF and while you may be incredibly proud of yourself if you managed to intrigue any one of them, you're getting sloppy seconds to some of the pussiest musicians alive.
- movie stars: for all you angelina jolie or julia roberts or demi moore types, turn off the television. these woman in most cases are very, very selfish people, despite what you may see or hear about their service efforts or adopted children from rwanda. when your contract for a shitty movie who's only selling point is your TITS is not only for millions of dollars, but also includes everything from pocket money during filming that you couldn't POSSIBLY need, to the fucking LATTE you'll recieve every morning from some hard-working intern you won't so much as notice, you have lost touch with reality and will undoubtedly end up with another self-absorbed movie star or musician. if you're not one of those things, stop imagining yourself as one.
- movie star (part b): ask yourself one thing if your dream woman resembles a movie star...what the hell do you know about her? odds are you're either picturing her in the context of one of her characters...say lara croft or viv (pretty woman)...and haven't figured out that SHE'S ACTING...or you're thinking "she seems caring" or "she seems so nice and fun"...in which case YOUR MISSING THE POINT. those qualities exist in people you see every day...people you enjoy being around...SO PAY ATTENTION TO THEM!!
- the models: yeah, you just saw some woman splashed across a photo spread in the sports illustrated swimsuit issue and wish you could parade her around in front of your friends. first of all, STOP BEING SHALLOW...a woman is not an object. second, she probably DOESN'T EAT and has so many issues as a result of it, that your head would explode if you tried to spend even a weekend with her. she lives a life completely based on her LOOKS, which will GIVE OUT SOME DAY. it is totally unrealistic for you to expect the woman you meet to look like her, and i doubt you'd want to spend all day shopping or hearing about the new dolce & gabbana spring clothing line.
- your best friend: this one can go either way. i simply suggest you don't FUCK IT UP. if you're lucky enough to have a woman you can be yourself around and let into your dirty, perverted mind on a semi-regular basis, you owe it to yourself NOT to pull something STUPID because you listened to your DICK again. if you think she is perfect for you and you're perfect for her, there are only a few reasons that you wouldn't already be together. all of them require that the issue be brought up between you...which doesn't mean you try to get her wasted and then "see what happens" (translate: "you trying to slyly get her naked"). in any case, either she FEELS THE SAME WAY or she DOESN'T! if she does, consider yourself lucky, and treat her with the utmost respect until you leave this earth. if she doesn't, do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to avoid letting your feelings ruin what the two of you already have. that means you need to BE HONEST about where you're at emotionally and may need to take a break from her to remind yourself as to how important to you she is, rather than getting your boxers all in a bunch like a SELFISH BITCH because you CAN'T HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANT.
- the mary-kateandashley thing: the twins are a good example of a current fad to fantasize about these young hotties who now seem to come in pairs more often than not. i remind you that these girls are SEVENTEEN, and wear enough make-up to make zsa zsa gabor look homely. beyond that, see above.
- the nympho: so you wish you could find a girl who loved sex as much as you do. well...most woman love GOOD sex MORE than you do. because it's rare. if you started paying attention to what a woman wanted from you in bed, she'd want to fuck your brains out every day. however, the only relationship that sex will sustain over time is the one you have with your HAND.
- the cool chick: this has gotta be the most common gripe about woman a guy can make..."i just wish i could find a really cool chick." hey, almost every woman is cool in her own right, and more than likely a lot of the woman you know are even cooler than you think they are. but a woman is still a woman, not a guy, and needs to be treated as such. she needs to know that she's special, and letting her fuck you, despite what you're arrogant ass may hope, doesn't convey the message "i value you". a woman doesn't have to like football or video games or poker in order to understand that in at times your world might revolve around them. but if you want to be yourself so damn bad, and do things you love to do, than you need to get your head out of your ass and realize that she needs the SAME THING. a 'cool chick' will listen to you bitch about your baseball team if you're willing to LISTEN when she bitches about work, or wants you to listen to a song she loves.
there's no need to start seeking out the 'right girl'. but stop joking yourselves and writing woman off who don't meet some expectations you have of them that are entirely the product of marketing or misconception. there's nothing wrong with one-night stands, short relationships, or dating a few people at once, as long as there's a level of honesty, with both yourself and the people you encounter, employed by YOU.
the world is full of absolutely beautiful women, many of whom you have probably kept in your periphery while staring at some girl's chest or making dirty jokes with the boys. it does a guy a lot of good to pay attention to the women he knows...to learn from them...and to figure out who they are and what the world looks like from their eyes.
soon you'll find women are putting a smile on your face for all the RIGHT reasons, like my girlfriend does for me. |
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